Quick update

For those of you that are still checking this site out, I am home now. I've been home for exactly 1 week, almost to the hour. I think I may keep this blog up for a little while as my debriefing and informing of continuing work at the clinic.

Here's the most recent: THEY FINISHED THE ELECTRICAL!!!

They started the week before I left and were done the day before I left Haiti. Here are some pictures.

Some things I've been learning

Here's just a few quick things I've been learning as I sit at the end of a long hot work day:

1. I can live without. Without hot showers, nice clean clothes, bug free beds, a vehicle, certain foods/drinks, silence, noise, plans. It's been easier then I thought it would be - granted I've had it pretty good.
   
2. Life is so short. We have a part in whether or not we want to continue. What a blessing each day truly is.
   
3. Being a foreigner is very difficult for me. There have been many days I wish I wasn't white and feel uncomfortable in my own skin. My own, very white, skin.
   
4. We have much - us "white" folks. Yes I know this is a generalization, but that's how we are viewed. We have much and things are very easy for us.
   
5. It's your own choice whether you want to be on this journey of discipleship, of obedience. You make the decision to obey, or not. And it's not easy.
   
6. I'm told I can't be an influence on the young girls here. This one is hard for me to swallow. I'm white and therefore what I do and say has no effect on how they will live their lives. Could this be so? One human being to another? My actions have no affect on them!? This one will take A LOT of thinking and processing. Likely a blog post to follow on this one.
   
7. I don't want to come home next Sunday. I want just 1 more week. Just a few more days to do and see all that I wanted. How did this come to a close so quickly?
   
8. I never want to wash my clothes by hand.
9. I have a dream and vision for a role I could play here in Haut Limbe in the future. I have no idea how it will play out, and how it could even work, but it's not up to me to figure out those very small details. If God is calling me to this as a next step, the small details will all work out. First though, to finish school and return to work. Yes, that's important.
   
10. A smile can change anyone's day. No words are every needed.
11. What doesn't get done today...will get done tomorrow. Or maybe not tomorrow...but the day after? The work on the electricity has yet to begin on the hospital. Things are so much more difficult here. Money takes time to be sent. Supplies take time to find and purchase. And well, people just work much slower here. Truly, what doesn't get done will get done tomorrow. My "to do" list isn't getting much smaller...it seems I've even adapted this pattern as well. But my tomorrow is running out...Sigh.
    

My roots...and other stuff

I've been reflecting on how it's been to be removed from my church community the last few days. What things have been evident and how much I've missed being with that group of 150 or so people. Even without having conversations with everyone each week, they are all my family. I need not be anything or say anything, I have a place there. I have people that keep me accountable, just by existing. I need not be asked hard questions but just by their presence I think more about my actions from day to day. I want to be a better person when I'm rooted in a community. I want to serve and love and become a better disciple when I know that I am journeying with them. After 9 weeks of being away, I'm beginning to really see the effects of it. Church here is well, different. Not only is it in a language I can't understand (they talk WAY too fast at church) but it's a different style then I'm used to. We haven't had bible study, I haven't heard a message that I understand, I haven't had a group of people to talk, share, and pray with. I haven't had a close friend to share those inner thoughts and feelings with and pray about and for with. So, even though I'm really not looking forward to leaving here, I am looking forward to being back with my community. With those that know me, love me, and care for me on this journey.

In other news, I was informed today that the patient that was staying with us at the house (Roselande) passed away this week. Her funeral was today (or possibly tomorrow). She didn't want to live, and that was so evident. I guess I'm only half shocked. It's really sad for her family and for those that loved her. For her as well as the future she could have had here. But I can't help but think about if she had kept on fighting. The struggle to continue receiving, paying for, and taking her medication. The effort to test her blood sugar and monitor her diet. Things are just so difficult here, not that it means you should just give up. It's hard here. In Canada, well, I don't even want to think about how things are different for someone exactly like Rose. That's enough to make you sick.

The realities here are different. People will risk their lives on a boat to try to escape to the USA to find some kind of work to support their families back home. A boat sank a couple weeks ago and there was only 1 survivor. He was returned on Tuesday to Haiti and there were crowds waiting for him. No one knew who survived, and once they did they knew who didn't. I was happy when I saw him arrive and being carried and saw the cheering people around him. But afterwards, I noticed those crying. Realizing their loved one's were on that same boat. There's so much I don't realize and understand here, especially initially, but God has been opening my eyes little by little to different things.

I'm scared to come back. Life will return to what it was before...and yet I'm different. How I fit back into those same places will be different. At least I hope so. People have changed and continued living their lives, as have I. So here's to the last 2 weeks. Late nights, early mornings, and lots in between!

Countdown

In 2 weeks tomorrow I will be heading off to the Dominican to catch my flight home. 2 weeks! It’s this week that’s been the turning point for me, I think, at least that’s what it seems. I guess it just hit me that the work here isn’t done, and that I didn’t finish everything that I came here to do. Part of this is due to not knowing exactly what I was getting myself into, but the other part is just in general, I don’t feel like I’m finished here. I’m not ready to go. I’m finally beginning to get comfortable with the pace of life, the way people operate here, and I’m finally able to relax and take a seat on the side of the road to rest for awhile and just watch as people pass by. I’m excited to return to life at home, to see friends and family, but I’m not ready to leave and not know what the future holds with regards to my life here.

Being called blanco doesn’t bother me as much anymore and I’m able to make jokes with the children and the cat-calling guys to make light of the fact that yes I am indeed a foreigner, and yes, indeed I am white. People often state the obvious here: “you are sitting, you are eating, you are resting, you are sleeping, you are white.” I actually find it pretty amusing. It’s been a real struggle for me with the racism/reverse racism here, but lately it’s been easier to deal with. Once you get the language and can joke around with people, it seems they view you differently, and I them as well.

So, as I begin to wrap up my time here, I have been reflecting a lot on the larger issues of this country. On the economics and the whole entire system of this country. When we have young entrepreneurs actually taking action and starting a business and yet getting no where, it frustrates me. In Canada, it seems our job is to get an education, use it, and the system will do the rest. Here’s what I mean. I go to school for business. Thereafter I start a business in something that I see is demanded in the economy. I advertise, have good customer service, etc, etc, etc. But it is not MY job to ensure that people have money to purchase my goods. I can help them think they need my product, causing a demand for it. But when you really think of it, it’s not my job to ensure that the entire community or country has money in their pockets to purchase these things. Take Alin for example. He has his greenhouse, no one has money to buy any of his products. He is growing bamboo to help prevent soil erosion and is planting trees to help with the deforestation, but who will pay him for this? Who will pay for the workers to cut down the bamboo, for their lunch while they work, for the truck to haul the bamboo back, for the workers to then cut it and plant it? Who then will plant all the trees on the mountain and make sure they actually grow? The farmers on the mountain? The town? I think in North America, the government would help with this right? There are programs that are subsidized by the government to ensure we don’t end up with no trees in our forests from forest fires or logging or whatever!? There are so many people just sitting around, and yet so many attempting to find some sort of employment. It really is a huge problem.

Anyways, continue to pray as I head into the last couple weeks. The “asking” has gotten more frequent as people know I’ll be leaving soon. Pray that I will be patient and have a listening ear to the need here in Haiti.

Up & Down

These last 8 weeks have been so up and down. Each day is different and each portion of the day is different. You never know what to expect, what to hope for, what's to come. I don't think I'm getting any better at going with the flow and not planning...maybe one day. I have improved at letting things go though, and not asking so many questions...just get in the truck and wherever you end up is where you will end up (and try to make the most of each place you find yourself in - that's what I've been telling myself each time I'm caught off guard, unprepared and thus very anxious and uncomfortable). Are there any others out there reading this that can't stand not knowing what you're getting yourself into and thus aren't prepared? I'm trying so hard not to let it ruin my times as it normally would, but when I'm really not dressed appropriately for various events, it's so hard to relax and just accept the situation as is!

A couple of times Maurice, the guy who works in the clinic who initially handles the patient forms, has come to me with a name in hopes that I can tell him the patient number so that he doesn't have to spend hours looking through files. Previously we had been unsuccessful, likely because I have yet to enter them in the system or because I spelled their name incredibly wrong, but Wednesday and Thursday we had 2 successes! The look on his face made the endless hours of data entry worth it. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be and how much time is spent looking for a misfiled or lost form. Now, with the click of a few buttons, ta da! He was so excited (as was I)! We aren't using the Access system yet as we are still trying to work out a few bugs, but it's all in Excel which makes for easy finding!

Roselande has gone home now. I'm not sure her state but I know she wasn't happy that she had to leave. I hope to see her once more before I come home, I just hope it's not on the conditions that she's gotten worse. I've never seen someone so close to death, someone who really doesn't even want to live and has the power to actually influence her recovery.

Boni and I are working on writing now with her opposite hand so she can return to school in September. It's been a discouraging couple weeks with her but I will try to write about that later. My fear is that she will never use her right hand, that it will just be a limb that's useless and in the way. Ugh.

I have discovered many more projects and opportunities at the clinic that need some help. It's just a reminder that the work is not done here at the Eben-Ezer Clinic and those that come after me will have lots of fun!

Now, for this heat...anyone have any suggestions? I'm melting away!

It’s different for them…right?

As I make new friends and get to know people better, I seem to be blinded by the realities of life in Haiti. Let me explain. The few close friends that I have made here seem different to me. By different I mean because I’ve had normal conversations with them I for some reason conclude that they are just like me, or another North American. I am continually reminded that this isn’t the case. Even my friends, are well, Haitien. Most of them don’t have jobs. Most of them don’t have money. They have mothers who work at the market in Limbe, hoping to sell just one article of clothing that day. They don’t always have food or money to pay for their tuition. I’m not sure if the hope that I have that they are different is me just being foolish, not wanting to face reality, protecting myself, lightening the situation, etc. etc. etc. I think it’s a lot of things but it’s not doing good for anyone. The situation here in Haiti is, well, I can’t find a good word for it. Extreme? Desperate? Severe? Dire? Infinite? Overwhelming? I don’t want to keep these blinders on but it seems that’s been the pattern. And so, as I finish these last 4 weeks here, would you pray with me that I would see the harsh realities of life here in Haiti? I saw a lot of this the first couple weeks and what a ride that was. It’s tough, and in many ways I don’t want to walk through it, but I am here and this is what I came for. To learn and experience the realities of Haitien life.

Update: Roselande has returned to Manno’s house after 1 week of being home. Her progress deteriorated drastically and is not doing well. She isn’t eating nearly as much as she was when she was here before and is refusing to give herself her insulin. Pray for her health, both physically and mentally. I don’t see the fight and light I saw in her when she was here before, she’s back to the girl I met when we picked her up in the jungle – no desire to live and no fight for life.

World view

Today I have been thinking about bringing children to Haiti and what impact it would make on their lives. I wish for everyone to gain a better understanding of the world outside of their world. I want all Winnipeggers to get a better picture of the world and I want Haitiens to see that there's another world out there. I want my children to grow up knowing and understanding a different culture. I think that will be something that will be on my parenting list of things to do. If I can't do anything else, I want to give my children the opportunity to travel and see the world at a young age. I can't even begin to imagine how it would form them as human beings. As a 23 year I already have values and ideas formed in my head. Before travelling to Ecuador at 18 I had my ideas and values formed. Yes I'm always being changed and transformed, but what about introducing children at a young age to life in Haiti? It's almost overwhelming for me to think about. One day I would love to bring down my nieces and nephew and cousins. To show them the world outside of what they know. I would love for my new friends here in Haiti to experience life in Winnipeg. There is something so profound that happens when you sumberge yourself in another culture with another race. There is oh so much to learn.