The past, the present, and the future

The Past
I can't even begin to explain how things were run at the clinic prior to my arriving here. It's both frustrating and encouraging. It's what I assumed and yet not at all. Enough of the past.

The Present
We have bills to pay, medications that need to be bought, laboratory supplies that are needed, supplies to be sorted, patients to be treated, a hospital to be finished, visitors to be welcomed, friends to help, and a whole new financial system to create since there is nothing here currently. Last night I realized the task I have in front of me. It's huge. A very large mountain. Bigger then a mountain. What is something bigger then a mountain? I don't know. Sigh.

Is there hope for change? I have to believe there is. Will people change? Do they want to change? Has this been the way it's always been and things will never get better? The old and ancient way? If that's the case, I can't stay. I am hear to serve the people of Haiti, to help treat those that are sick. To give treatment to everyone and anyone who needs it. Without funding, it's impossible. Without support, it won't happen. But without good accountability, none of the previous 2 things are even beneficial. The 2 new individuals that are working with me now know, see, and understand the problem. The people in charge are on board with me. All except 1. This journey will be long, difficult, encouraging, life changing. There is hope, but it will be a long journey.

It's a good thing I have friends here who love me and support me. Had I not been here in the summer, I would be that stupid white person coming in trying to change things, knowing nothing. Now, it's just crazy little Shauna who is trying to be nice and be the boss, changing things, all at the same time. Sigh.

Today was a hard day and yet we are taking baby steps. One day at a time. One task at a time. It's clear that everyone wants new books, new records, new systems, new accountability, starting my arrival. That's clear. We owe a lot of money and have very little in our bank accounts. Where did it all go? And yet if we had a lot of money in our accounts, our situation wouldn't seem so dire to fix. With money in our account no one would see the real problems...
So, it's what's best. It sucks, and it's hard, but it's alright.

The Future
I see hope and change. Needs will be met somehow and someway. Yesterday while visiting a clinic to learn about their systems Dr Manno was able to treat a 12 year old girl. Her mother brought her to the clinic for help with no money. She has cerebral palsy. Her mother has carried her around for 12 years on her shoulders. Yesterday, Manno was able to give her a wheel chair. The supplies we packed and shipped in September were used. While packing all the wheelchairs before I kept thinking we were sending too many. That the space could be used for something more useful. Every wheelchair I numbered and loaded was worth it for that little girl who I never met and probably never will. This is why we do what we do. To give away a free wheelchair to someone who has so little. The future is bright and I'm hopeful. It's long, very long, but I'm hopeful.

Life here

Sorry I haven't updated much. It seems I have a lack of inspiration for blogging these days. Life here just seems normal. As normal as it can be. Just as it was in the summer, but actually a lot better. It's great to have a friend here and to be busy with new work. The community seems the same aside from more people sitting around. Most kids went back to school this week. University should be starting up next week. The clinic has less busy days. So yes, things are somewhat "normal" in Haut Limbe, whatever that means.

We have hired 1 or 2 new people (I haven't really figured that out exactly yet) but so far it's been great. I had last week to get a sense of where we are at financially and on Monday one of the guys started and we've made a lot of progress. I will need a lot of patience here though. I love computers and the way they make things so much easier (excel calculating sums for you), and yet everyone wants to do everything by hand, the old and ancient ways. You know how long it takes to enter all the patient medication totals by hand!? So, things just take longer. And everyone is okay with that. They have the rest of their lives to finish the work...I however, would like to move on to a new task much before they've finished calculating. Sigh. There are good times and things to adjust here, and there are others that just need to stay the same. I do not want to be a person that comes in here and thinks that little me knows the best way, at the same time I want to offer new ways that they may like and benefit from in the long run. Oh the balance.

It's great to be in a role where I can teach people and offer advice as needed. We are basically starting from nothing as the old accountants computer is not available for us. Should be quite interesting.

Friends arrive here on Friday and after that we will have visitors for a good 2-3 months. For now we are enjoying our free time and not stressing about ensuring our visiting friends are safe and happy! It will be so good to have familiar faces here though. Looking forward to this weekend.

I bought a cell phone last week so if you want to call me or text me sometimes let me know! :)

Life in Haiti

My good friend Janelle arrived in Haiti 2 months ago and has been living and serving in the same community as I was. Check out her blog and her sharing of her adventure in picking me up on Monday. It gives you a very small taste of how life is here in Haiti, every day. What an adventure for the blans!

http://janelleinhaiti.blogspot.com/2010/02/monday-adventures.html

I've arrived!

Hi friends!
I've arrived safe and sound. My bags just came today so I had a couple days of wearing the same thing but oh well! It was a relief to see all the bags and no problems getting through customs at all. The weather is gorgeous (nothing like in the summer) and it's so great to see all my friends and family. I started working this morning and that was encouraging and fun. Great to try and converse in Creole and understand the reports they have created following the earthquake. But we did it with little frustration! It's such a joy to be back here, and even when I'm a little sad to have left Winnipeg, I just wait about 15 minutes and something else great will happen. Things change so rapidly here in Haiti so you just have to wait it out, and NOT plan anything. I am limiting my internet use this week as I want to spend time with friends catching up, but hope to post more frequently in the future. The town has many more people here and the schools are closed so there's a lot of hanging around. I've met many people that have come from Port au Prince after the earthquake that will likely remain here for awhile. They are survivors, as my friend Calvin continues to point out. Yes, all people here surely are survivors. Thank you everyone for your support and I look forward to staying in touch! :)
Love,
Shauna

My return 2010

I found myself in this same situation, 8 months ago. Preparing to leave my home and comforts and saying goodbye to friends and family. 1 week ago (Friday) it was determined that the accountant of the clinic would unlikely be returning to Haiti after a visit to the USA pre-earthquake. I was invited by the clinic and offered my help as needed and found myself waiting out the weekend to hear the final word on Monday. Monday rolled around and I suddenly found myself preparing to leave in 1 week for Haiti. Things to buy, work manuals to write, conversations to be had, hugs to be given, tears to be shed.

Exactly 8 months ago I left Winnipeg for Haut Limbe and started my journey there. It seemed like an adventure. Like a new challenge and a chance to meet new friends and see how I could help serve and live with those in the community. Now, I know what to expect. I know what I'm getting myself into (to some small extent), and I know what I'm leaving behind. It's different this time, in almost every way possible. It's a longer amount of time. I know that I've just started something huge. That when I return, my life will not be as I left it. That people will change and circumstances will change. Do I have regrets? Yup. I have a few. Tonight I'm grieving what I will be leaving behind. All week I've been trying to process the completion of my job. 4 1/2 years in the same place, learning and growing there. Being loved by a staff and community across Canada, the US, and abroad. In 1 week, my life has changed drastically. And I know it's only just begun.

I am excited for the challenge and work in Haiti. I'm excited to see my friends and family there. I'm excited to dive in and see how things go at the clinic. I truly am thrilled. It's just so bitter sweet. I have no idea when I will return to this life here. To my friends. Months from now. And in my heart I know I will be there longer. This is only just the beginning. Thanks for journeying with me through this blog.

Quick update

For those of you that are still checking this site out, I am home now. I've been home for exactly 1 week, almost to the hour. I think I may keep this blog up for a little while as my debriefing and informing of continuing work at the clinic.

Here's the most recent: THEY FINISHED THE ELECTRICAL!!!

They started the week before I left and were done the day before I left Haiti. Here are some pictures.

Some things I've been learning

Here's just a few quick things I've been learning as I sit at the end of a long hot work day:

1. I can live without. Without hot showers, nice clean clothes, bug free beds, a vehicle, certain foods/drinks, silence, noise, plans. It's been easier then I thought it would be - granted I've had it pretty good.
   
2. Life is so short. We have a part in whether or not we want to continue. What a blessing each day truly is.
   
3. Being a foreigner is very difficult for me. There have been many days I wish I wasn't white and feel uncomfortable in my own skin. My own, very white, skin.
   
4. We have much - us "white" folks. Yes I know this is a generalization, but that's how we are viewed. We have much and things are very easy for us.
   
5. It's your own choice whether you want to be on this journey of discipleship, of obedience. You make the decision to obey, or not. And it's not easy.
   
6. I'm told I can't be an influence on the young girls here. This one is hard for me to swallow. I'm white and therefore what I do and say has no effect on how they will live their lives. Could this be so? One human being to another? My actions have no affect on them!? This one will take A LOT of thinking and processing. Likely a blog post to follow on this one.
   
7. I don't want to come home next Sunday. I want just 1 more week. Just a few more days to do and see all that I wanted. How did this come to a close so quickly?
   
8. I never want to wash my clothes by hand.
9. I have a dream and vision for a role I could play here in Haut Limbe in the future. I have no idea how it will play out, and how it could even work, but it's not up to me to figure out those very small details. If God is calling me to this as a next step, the small details will all work out. First though, to finish school and return to work. Yes, that's important.
   
10. A smile can change anyone's day. No words are every needed.
11. What doesn't get done today...will get done tomorrow. Or maybe not tomorrow...but the day after? The work on the electricity has yet to begin on the hospital. Things are so much more difficult here. Money takes time to be sent. Supplies take time to find and purchase. And well, people just work much slower here. Truly, what doesn't get done will get done tomorrow. My "to do" list isn't getting much smaller...it seems I've even adapted this pattern as well. But my tomorrow is running out...Sigh.